God Has A Plan
8:35 PM
Today, I battled off my enemy again. I did my best to fought it. I fought really hard. But I still got defeated, which made me feel depressed and worn-out throughout the afternoon.
In the midst of sadness, I prayed to God and began asking Him "why am I like this?"
This question stemmed out from something "abnormal" or "unnatural" that I have just discovered in me this year: I think I have a personality disorder. I cannot elaborate further, but I know I just can blend really well into different groups of people in different kinds of situations.
When I first discovered that I have this condition, I worried a lot and got really lost. I haven't seek any psychological help yet. Questions like "how should I hide my other self when I see this person" are always in my thoughts. Even today that I have accepted and started following God, these questions are still here in me.
Because of this, I committed a lot of sins, including faking myself and lying to all the people around me. Up until now, I'm still doing that. I keep on praying to God to answer my questions. Why He made me this way? Why I can't be like others who seems to be living normal?
But only God knows the best things for us. I still believe that He made me this way for a very special purpose. I know I'm different, but He's there to tell me that I should use this as my strength. I'm already tired of hiding and faking smiles, but I know God will make all things happen in His perfect time, allowing me then to show who I really am to the world someday. So I'll just be patient and wait even more.
Whatever circumstances we have right now, God always has a plan - a better plan that no one in this world knows except Him. I lost today, but I will again stand up because God loves me and I know that if I continue fighting to win, He will reward me by answering my questions to Him.
I pray that all of us will stop from worrying or becoming weary of our situations. Remember that God always has the best plans for us. We just have to become better versions of ourselves as we wait for the perfect time He will execute His plans for all of us.
3 comments
You can do it Mat! You are who you are because you are made to do something great! Plus, there are people who love and accept you for who you are. Think of them and everything will be alright. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Pau! Yes, everything will be alright. I just won't rush God to execute His plans for me.
DeleteAmen that God has the best plans for us. I did experience this a lot or maybe in some other way because I tend to please people since I don't want to be rejected. And because of it I hurt myself in the process by neglecting who I really am and what I really want. I got so used to it until now, not thinking about rejection anymore but more of seeing people how they are and what they are going through. Maybe we have different situations or issues handling our personalities but one thing is for sure, we are created uniquely by God with a different purpose each. So let us explore what God designed us to be and never change how He created us.
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